sigh. sighsighsigh.
i think i'm cursed. star-crossed maybe. why does this always happen to me? and always in this aspect of life.
all this silence. masked meanings and gestures. is this the way it's supposed to be? ideally it shouldn't be this way. if what we have were true, it shouldn't be this way.
but if it wasn't, would we be brave enough to handle it?

ah, the ironies of life. what we hate and want to change is what we may be afraid of. i write vaguely becuase i am afraid. and i know and feel that it is wrong to be so. yet i cannot stop myself. oh well.. *shrugs.

[cut][because now i do know that you do care (:]

frustrations. running through my veins like white blood cells, rushing to kill off the virus. okay i'm no bio student but it's the only thing that comes to mind about all this rubbish.

-

where did i go wrong? i lost a friend,
somewhere along in the bitterness.
and i would've stayed up with you all night,
had i known how to save a life.
-the fray



lallie | 9:49 PM

tension. tension. you can cut it with a knife.
if you cannot stand it, then why don't you just put your ego aside and do the right thing?

be a man; do the right thing.

now what ad is that from? all i recall is that it was quite funny. anyway... whatever, dude. you're bringing everything unto yourself.

i'm watching the women of times drama now. how i wish i could go to a spa and relax. i'm breaking out everywhere. but then again, it could be due to slacking too much to. you know, the not so good circulation of blood. ugh.

oh no. i'm in a dilemma. tomorrow at 7 is this of fools & mad men thing for the lit students by the lit students. it's gonna be a formal affair. it sounds so interesting cos it's gonna be kind of controversial, the way they'll interprate some of shakespeare's plays. i wanna see the look on kok's face man! haha. she's gonna be there but thankfully, she won't be there for the post-production thing. PLUS, there's gonna be food and everything's FREE OF CHARGE.

now compare this to the tjc dance thingy they're gonna have at kallang theatre. It's at 8 and it's $12. there's only going to be dancing and some guest appearances by sajc dance team and an nus one i think. and it's with people i hardly even know.

okay. now that i've put things out like this i can see what i really wanna go for. damn it. how? the dance thing? freak. why oh why do they always have to tell me things last minute and i'm left making a difficult decision. so far nobody has informed me about the tickets to the tjc thingy so hopefully it's cancelled for some reason? please god let it be so! i shall add a silent prayer. i do get myself into stupid situations sometimes. really.

okayyyyyy. jewel in the palace has started!!!!

tata!
lallie | 9:53 PM

Oh you do have a bitter heart, don't you?
Why don't you just drop dead?

It's funny how the bitterness of others makes you bitter too eh? But I shall try to not let it affect me. Try.

Anyway, Happy Vesak Day everyone! Enjoying your holiday? Good. Cos I'm not. Well not really. I am grateful for the sleep-in but other than that I'm rotting at home. The only good thing that I have now is watching Ever After on STARmovies. I love it. Don't think I'll ever get sick of it. Who doesn't love a fairy tale? But a more difficult question would be who has lived a fairy tale? In the real world that we live in today it would be very rare to come across such a person.

Alas, it is finishing now. So what can I do on a rainy late afternoon such as this? Mope around I guess and stuff my fat face with junk food. Hoorah!
What is the point of cable vision when nothing good is on?! This is so frustrating.

Oooh. Movie trailers. I"m so watching The Da Vinci Code. This is one thing I won't forgive myself for missing. Mummy told me to book the tickets now for the fam so that we can watch it with good seats on opening night. Talk about kiasu. Haha. But we are Singaporeans after all.

Okay. Forgive me for this incredibly boring entry. I shall return to the rotting process.

Ta!
lallie | 3:32 PM

i seriously think my brother has never heard of tmi; too much info. really. wayyyyy too much info man. gross! ugh.

anyway, can i pls gloat and say i finally passed my 2.4! woohoo! 15.4min. even ms riviera was surprised, but pleasantly. i think i've finally got her off my back. no more over 18mins for me. i felt like dying but still, who cares? no more running, no more running! (ok we know that's not entirely true, but still...) i think monday was quite a good day. after that, got back our econs class test results. i topped the class. hurhur. however, nothing lasts forever cos after school we had our econs ct and i was scribbling so furiously that when it was finally over my hand was shaking. i'm not so confident this time but still, i shall enjoy the present before i suffer in the future.

okay. i'm supposed to be writing my king lear essay right now plus do econs drq but i'm so not in the mood. i'm kinda excited abt the england lit trip in june. my first time going out of singapore without my parents! haha. i sound so noobish but who cares? and i can't even imagine what it's like there. the last time i went was in '97 i think and that was like only the second time in my entire life so this is equally new to me as well. i can't remember anything from last time apart from small snippets hidden at the back of my mind. i was checking the temperatures there now and it's cooler than the air-con temp in my room. i think i'm going to freeze to death la. but hopefully i'll freeze happily. haha. which brings me to thinking, WHAT DO I BRING?! i have no idea. oh why can't i be a wise and all-knowing soul?

ladidah. i'm way too hyper for this time of night/morn. yet, i can't bring myself to bring myself to the task at hand. way to go for self-determination. ah. school. today i was kinda alone cos fat, iza, hal didn't come and guess what? (what?) bibs has withdrawn from school. why? cos she's taking a risk. she's not happy here anyway so i guess it makes sense but still... BIBS!! it was all so sudden that i'm still in shock. meet up with us ya? don't let farhan absorb your life. haha. so in the end, i waited 1 and 1/2 hours for diki to finish cos he wanted to go to bugis to buy shoes. i decided to do maths and by the time it was 515 i was so mentally exhausted i felt so lazy to go. i found out the other guys wanna go tomorrow so they can layan him la. i made up for it by treatin him to a bk student's meal where we met up with sitz too. and what did we talk abt? cars. haha. very different.
dreams, they do bring you far. that is if you hold on to them. so hold on.

okay. i seriously gotta get back to work. come on. i can do this.
i shall log off now, i shall log off now, i shall log off now, i shall.......
lallie | 12:05 AM

i seriously think my brother has never heard of tmi; too much info. really. wayyyyy too much info man. gross! ugh.

anyway, can i pls gloat and say i finally passed my 2.4! woohoo! 15.4min. even ms riviera was surprised, but pleasantly. i think i've finally got her off my back. no more over 18mins for me. i felt like dying but still, who cares? no more running, no more running! (ok we know that's not entirely true, but still...) i think monday was quite a good day. after that, got back our econs class test results. i topped the class. hurhur. however, nothing lasts forever cos after school we had our econs ct and i was scribbling so furiously that when it was finally over my hand was shaking. i'm not so confident this time but still, i shall enjoy the present before i suffer in the future.

okay. i'm supposed to be writing my king lear essay right now plus do econs drq but i'm so not in the mood. i'm kinda excited abt the england lit trip in june. my first time going out of singapore without my parents! haha. i sound so noobish but who cares? and i can't even imagine what it's like there. the last time i went was in '97 i think and that was like only the second time in my entire life so this is equally new to me as well. i can't remember anything from last time apart from small snippets hidden at the back of my mind. i was checking the temperatures there now and it's cooler than the air-con temp in my room. i think i'm going to freeze to death la. but hopefully i'll freeze happily. haha. which brings me to thinking, WHAT DO I BRING?! i have no idea. oh why can't i be a wise and all-knowing soul?

ladidah. i'm way too hyper for this time of night/morn. yet, i can't bring myself to bring myself to the task at hand. way to go for self-determination. ah. school. today i was kinda alone cos fat, iza, hal didn't come and guess what? (what?) bibs has withdrawn from school. why? cos she's taking a risk. she's not happy here anyway so i guess it makes sense but still... BIBS!! it was all so sudden that i'm still in shock. meet up with us ya? don't let farhan absorb your life. haha. so in the end, i waited 1 and 1/2 hours for diki to finish cos he wanted to go to bugis to buy shoes. i decided to do maths and by the time it was 515 i was so mentally exhausted i felt so lazy to go. i found out the other guys wanna go tomorrow so they can layan him la. i made up for it by treatin him to a bk student's meal where we met up with sitz too. and what did we talk abt? cars. haha. very different.
dreams, they do bring you far. that is if you hold on to them. so hold on.

okay. i seriously gotta get back to work. come on. i can do this.
i shall log off now, i shall log off now, i shall log off now, i shall.......
lallie | 12:05 AM

i am such a sucker. be prepared for some emo crap. if you don't like it get lost. aaahh. save me from my emo-ism.

this is not love. it's just intense like. if it were love, i'd be able to look you in the eye, be at ease when i'm around you and just sit in silence with you and not feel awkward. i've got to move on. this is killing me.

anyway. i've decided to take my friends' advice and stick with dance. the thing is i'm scared i'm gonna be so lost and left out(again) tomorrow cos i haven't gone for so long and they're definataly gonna be in the middle of a choreo plus i don't have the time to learn since it starts at 245 and my lessons end at 3. once again let me say i hate my time table. ok. whatever. i'll just do what my dad would tell me to do and just suck it up and do it. what's life without those little times you feel like a complete dumbass right? who knows? some good may come out of it.

wish me luck.

anyway, catchy song of the day: No Tomorrow by Orson

...there's no line for you and me
cos tonight we're vip
i know somebody at the door
i see that twinkle in your eye
you shake that ass and i just die
let's check our coats and move out to the floor...

damn i love this song. it's nice to sing to cos the beat and the lyrics are funky. check it out.

and to end off this post, an update of house happenings.
come on, guess what it is. hint: look at the title.
yup. it is what it is. literally.
the fuse for the lightings in BOTH bathrooms has gone dead. bloody contractors. i mean it is quite romantic and all bathing with only the moonlight shining through the bathroom windows and candles burning, casting dancing shadows against the tiled walls... but it can be bloody painful. i'm sure you can imagine why.

ciao.
lallie | 9:49 PM