Let's Try Again Shall We?
Monday, August 08, 2005
I am praying that this entry will not go and delete itself like its predecessors. BASKET! Seriously. Anyway, first thing first, I AM SO SORRY TO YOU ALL WHOM I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET YESTERDAY BUT COULDN'T BECAUSE I'M SUCH A PIG AND SCHOOL HAS MADE ME THIS WAY. I seriously do feel really guilty and I promise I'll make it up to you all. Please don't hate me :(I haven't blogged in ages and I feel that I don't know how to anymore but then, how hard can it be right? Just spit out your feelings for the world to see. Good/bad? You decide. Thankfully, this blog isn't very publicised, thank goodness. But there are still times when you have to think twice before you post something up. I have also come up with a resolution. I shall not bore myself (&you people) by posting long rantings of what I've done today. I read other people's blogs and its just one long soliloquy where there seems to be nothing interesting to see. I mean I have nothing against people writing only for themselves but when you want to read your own writings don't you feel you'll be bored to death? I know I would. But I'm weird so you can't completely trust what I have to say. So, back to blogging...DENIAL IS SHITHere are things I have long gone stopped denying to myself[x]my physical appearance[x]my smartness[x]my common sense[x]my conversationsI feel I am a failure as a human being. I'm stupid, I'm boring, I'm completely retarded sometimes and am an eye-sore. Now is it any wonder why I'm depressed all the time. I wish I could just be happy with myself but its such a hard thing to do. There's nothing to be happy about. And I'm a coward so suicide isn't an option. I was having a conversation with my mum in the car and it was past midnight and I was overly hyper and then I asked, why did she name me what she named me. She said, "Don't you think it suits your character? I think it does perfectly, like now." She asked me could I imagine myself being a Jasmine for instance and told me to imagine what a Jasmine would be like. I said I only thought of Princess Jasmine (hur hur) but then I said it made me think of someone dainty and girly and she agreed. Thus, I realised I am so totally not a Jasmine. She said Farah is someone who's happy, outgoing, friendly and easy to get along with. "I think you're like that". Oh if only she knew man. Maybe I'm only like that around the family. Am I really like that in the real world?But after that conversation I kind of really appreciated my name for once. There may be millions of Farah's in the world but how many Farah Hana's are there? She added the Hana so as to make me more rounded. She liked the Japanese ring to it and said it was nicer than the German's Hannah. Hana means flower in Japanese by the way. Its also supposed to mean beautiful. Unfortunately as I have finally come to realise a name doesn't make a person. You are what you are. Enough about that. Its kinda saddening. Let me say I wanna watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but the thing is, when? I seriously feel like I have no time for anything nowadays. It totally sucks. I'm just so happy I only need to go to school next week on Monday and Thursday. And Monday is a half day so that's only 1 1/2 days in school. National Day + iLearning Day = LOVEI need to go study now since, a) I NEED to and b) Promos are in another 8 WEEKS TIME! =/Please pray for me
lallie | 12:56 AM
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