Tainted Love

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Had a Bad Day Again; you said I wouldn't understand

Monday, August 08, 2005

Today when I got into the lift I pressed number 3 instead of 4 and still got out without giving a second thought. Now that's a sure sign that something is wrong.

I never get any good news. Let me sink into oblivion and be an unknown. Its so much better than being recognised and referred to for all the wrong reasons.

I didn't have any dinner and I just went straight to my room. I was reading 8Days when bro came in and was there to listen to and comfort me. I feel safer when I can expose all my emotions and stuff within the confines of my room and the only witness being my brother. Its easier. I don't like letting other people see me cry or whatever. It makes me feel ashamed of myself and also makes me feel vulnerable. Come to think of it, I can't even let myself laugh freely. There's something wrong with me. And I thought I had a happy childhood. Nonetheless, people do see me cry but luckily they're my friends and hopefully they don't judge me. I still hate doing it though. I feel like an emotional burden to others.

Anyway, so now, Harris is going to make me run with a backpack packed with bottles filled with water. It's all for my own good but I'm reluctant just thinking about it. Mind over body, Farah. But that's the problem! My mind can't even put itself to any task. Argh. I'm so frustrated with myself.

There were nice things that happened today but I can't bring myself to put them up. I'm not sure if I even remember what nice things happened. Please excuse my blog for being so melancholic nowadays. Do come back later.

lallie | 11:30 PM

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